Just life

whoa.. now then I realise something sia.. Fooki enjoys watching television...
haha~~... lazing on the chair while watching the television.. OMG.. Fooki is more and more like me..
whoa his eyes haven't even turned yet ler..
haha they are glued to the tv.. aiyah.. turn away liao..
Hmmm... now he looks at the corridor.. Hmmm... wonder what is he thinking about.. haha..
HaiZ... The night is still young.. but I am old.. haha~..
Can I choose to be reborn..

The sky tonight is a beauty. The beauty can't be described by words or it would be destroyed..
It can only be imagined or taken as a memory..

Yeah finally can post chinese ler ~~.. ^^
wah 五月天 roX...
their song damn nice sia...
haha so does every other bands! especially for japanese bands lar...
haha~...
Sad song ler... reflects me lar~. (dedicated to ZX too)(but he said he did not want to come back to see my blog).
everyday the pain still strikes me lar... every and any moment it may come.. Its worst than any form of sneak attack sia.
haiZ... today quite lame lar... another day just past..
nothing special.. but went to watch wishing stairs lar... haha~...
quite lame though.. haha~.
Thinking of questions to ask the movie...
Hmmm Why dun the za bo ask for a win win situation? then ask for both to go russia lar~. haha...
then hor... the glass so big piece... U wear ballet shoes cannot feel it meh ?
then later the stupid urban legend started becoz the originator maths fail how? haha~..
>_<; others too lame to say liao lar~.. haha
quite should be not bad one.. if it came out be4 the ring maybe got more effect.. haha~.. ^^
kaoZ... tired liao... Hmmm...
I think probably I should become a hermit lar.. haha.. then isolate myself from the world and slack..
HaiZ... Nothing much to do here and there.. I guess things have to be done by myself bah..
I dun seek nor search anything now ler~. Hmmm....
Too tired to hate.. too tired to feel angry... just feel like smiling.. but there seems to be none at all..
but sometimes i smile myself at silly things.. Mmm.. Am I really smiling, or am I faking myself?..
days of smiling like a idiot all by myself is long over. why am I smiling?...
HaiZ... there I go again... Hmmm...
I guess I am still too naive and immature...
*stars are beautiful* probably I live in the spirit realm instead of the physical reality.

五月天 Mayday

恒星的恒心

词/曲:阿信

你和我 看星星 那夜空 多神秘
天很黑 风很急 你把我抱的很紧

沉默的 银河系 因为你 有意义
你要是 落泪滴 世界都要下雨

雨 降落在大地
我安静倾听 却无法领悟 你为何放弃

带走回荡的回忆 你像流浪的流星
把我丢在黑夜 想着你
你要离开的黎明 我的眼泪在眼睛
下定决心我决定 用恒星的恒心 等你 等你

等着你 等着你 等着你 等着你

那一年 的花季 那一刻 的呼吸
那一生 的旅行 因为你动魄惊心

我不是 很聪明 我以为 我可以
守护你 一直到 最后一丝呼吸

我 只是没发现
故事已结局 你早已离去 我还在坚定

老了 累了 倦了 变了 那不会是我 不会是我

no chinese program.. sianZ..
I wanna type in chinese too...
haiZ... "red white competition" very nice...
noe I feel the music more with my heart, and how those lyrics hit me...
they are so beautiful... what is wonderful way of expression...
the tune and lyrics just makes you feel...
but of coz... the more it reflects my heart... the worst I get...
but though I admire their talents too...
to be able to sing out the tune and lyrics of their deepest most self...
Gackt Rocks~...
haha... nowadays siao liao lar... I am a midnight cycle addict...
anyone's house free? I bo liao go hor....
haha...
I accomplished ivan yap, martin lee and jeremy chia (actually past benson ong house)...
hmmm... maybe today go huang weide... heheh...
go find everyone
haha~
I am lame.

argh... I cannot bring myself to sleep...
I really can't... tried umpteen times and still failing...
I fed up, and came to the com again...
My blog is my world... the world where I express myself...
not for others to see, but I myself to feel...
haiZ... sometimes... I just reach out my hand a of sudden, trying to reach for a person who would grab my hand...
argh...l my head aches...
haha... I haven't change a bit huh... argh... pain...
I need her lar....
I just dun have the courage to face it...
just be together happily... it seems like a memory and a fantasy...
yes yes... I love her... I love her to the core... just like repeating what Zixiang have been going through...
however, I fear... everytime I talk to her, I had to be cautious... enduring every word that comes towards me... very scary... those words that pierce through my heart, they are sharper than any knife, more lethal than any venom...
I dunno what to do...
I feel idiotic... I feel lame... I feel lonesome... I feel like a sinner.
...

-------------------------------------
reflection phase ( Strength? the weak one)
-------------------------------------
I am weak..
I admit it...
I suck..
I am lan...
Argh~!~!
My heart beats so hard till the table vibrates..
I feel... everything... bcoz I got nothing...
I resist! counter! fight!...
I am slowly consumed by the dark... the hatred, the anger, the desire...
the helplessness and pain leads me to change...
Argh~! argh`!~!~!~~!i
I am losing myself... argqh`2... sadgoijasopdfjavnwebgipfugasdiphpiegrnaipsunhfdkasjbglsjbdgr
phsddk;jnhsdjkthapsdjghasdflghad[ofhij[adfughusd[pfui[asd goifiasdh gopadhf adpsfiobgdnfpbj
iosdn goasdhirtoaeihrg sghasdogh asdohgasog[hi asdo[tiu aw[etoiyasd lgh axpckmvnasdkpjfgha
wpdothdpsojdoijrogjeoa stop it.......... sdlkfjasvoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiijfdoij stop it...
ar~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
dun ~!! why did "you" appear?
to help or to torture...
tears flow... rekindling the pain.... help me.. help me....
save me.... damn.... I am lost... I am... I...
"me" or "I"
I hate me and me hates I.
though it is a one-sided battle.... I am overtaken by myself...
only thing that remains is the tears...
tears flows while my body loses control....
argh~!~! argh~!~!
WHAT AM I !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahah... hahah...
what ever...
what ever...
--------------------------------------------------------------
death phase (the scythe looms on the neck)
--------------------------------------------------------------
die fund... die... U have nothing to live for...
no! I must live! for the better ~ for the worst!
live for what who cares~! u are insignificant...
no... but at least I live to live, so people wouldn't be blamed, so fights wouldn't occur...
but u have nothing to live for fund~! die! and it will end ur pain! die,,, it is the quickest and best way...
no... pain meant to exist, for the pain u have caused for others...
I am living to.... living to feel the pain I myself brought upon others...
feel it... cry... fall... no one cares...is the pain really what u want fund?
no it isn't what i want... but it is what I am responsible of... it is what I brought upon myself... I cannot escape! I must face it! for my principle of life... U can disappear now shadow... I choose to live and U wouldn't change that...
...... fine.... u'll crumble one day...
I have already crumbled... I am living on a crumbling life... so ... that doesn't make a difference... I choose to live....
haha... fool... just continue torture yousrself and one day u would turn to me...
I would.... the day I really die... of natural causes.. thanks... I dun miss u... U may leave...
-------------------------------------------------------
struggle phase ( the flower growing in the forest)
-------------------------------------------------------
hey fund!stop that lar... stop thinking about it and everything, just go with the flow, yo~
thanks... but sometimes, it is just so pain that i must fall, I cannot endure anymore...
haiZ... just stand up and walk again lar...
haha, I am trying to do that... though in pain... very intense pain... I fear... I fear everything... I fear myself... butI cannot run away from it... I wouldn't get away~! argh~! argh... ar...gh...
... stop it... enough ... u are just losing to ur reflection... stand strong ...
....... ha ha... I'll try...
:)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
hate phase ( beast in a sheep's skin)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
hahah... hello~~~ little wimp fund~~... are u in pain? dun u hate the person who brought u this? dun u hate people?
no... hatred will only cause harm and unneeded emotions, and I dun have enough to hate a thing... hate onlys brings more hate...
haha~~... isn't hate fun? it destroys, u get power, u get desire, u get the feeling~!! dun u want it? It relieves everything!! everything!! com'on try more of it...
haha~~... I had enough of hate... though it is relieving, but it is not the true reality I want...
-_-; why let urside suffer u lamer... U already contain hate... swearing condemning, judging.... it is all hate... hate... hate!! dun bluff yourself... u hate dun u ?
yes I do hate... but I am not letting it control me. it just erodes my soul... I am trying to contain it... not to enlarge it...
stubborn ass...
---------------------------------------------------------

Sianz sia....
late at night after watching soccer...
nothing to do ...
sibei sian...
I really lack something now...
i feel it...
I am wishing for something,
anticipating for it. hoping that the thing would come true..
hence ending my misery...
Dun feel like thinking anymore..
tired and scared....
I hope I could trap myself in my reams forever not waking up...
and face the reality while I myself live in a illusion..
Bo liao until I went to cycle late at night (quite fun though)...
haiZ... bcoz bo liao then cycle mah
got thing do then different liao...
sigh...
haiZ... I just hope for any gatherings and stuff to happen lar..
and take my course with fate...
I can wish and I can hope...
but sometimes things just aren't the way they are...
but I will continue to wish and hope...
bcoz I am stupid...
I miss tears... more of tears of happiness...
I am afraid, I fear, what is going on?...
the world, my world crumbling in front of me, while I stand and watch and endure...
I wanna hide, I wanna run...
but there just ain't anyplace safe for me to hide anymore...
but I am only doing one thing...
hanging on to my faith... hanging, dangling...
scream! shout! laugh! dance! hit! crazy! harm! hurt! destroy! create! fight! win! lose! cry! wimp! sob! anger! flare!
they start to slow down into a time spiral...
I reach out my hand to grab the air, having no grip..
I fall, down, down , down, into the bottomless pit of eternal darkness.
I rest. I am used to the darkness and the fall.
but theres nothing I can do but to cotinue falling..
I smile..
only at my stupidity..

Dunno why..
but today..
after the call..
My tears came back..
I couldn't control myself..
tears just continued flowing..
Sunken in my sorrow and pain..
what I can say is things still haven't changed..
I love her..
I love Weiman..

Haha~~...
humans are such interesting creatures.
I look at myself and laugh.
The world is so different, so unpredictable.
So emotional..
I reach. I feel.
I open my eyes. I see.
I breath. I smell.
Pain. laughter. smiles. sorrow.
Time takes control of all.
When everything seems simple, it is so hard to understand.
What is the world ?
Could it be only be a audio visual simulation psychology?
everything seems near but far.
but everything that is far is actually near.
what is the mind ? mind is the most complex form of everything.
I is responsible for everything.
everything. Ur pain, sorrow, tears, actions, aging.
Is everything actually there or just a faint mirage?
Or are we really in the matrix?
Why am I asking these questions.
Is there really an answer?
What is mentality, why is mentality.
why do we feel ?
Evolution had taken place or degrading?
why humans seems most cheap and more superior at the same time?
Humans had ventured into the endless ocean of knowledge, and now for me..
returning to the root of the knowledge. why knowledge?
why desires? why did humans evolved with intelligence and not physical power.
Is intelligence power?
The mind is almight, nearly comparable to god. Not any god in particular.
the mind creates, destroys, influences, desires.
why is everything everything? Does everything have a meaning?
they seems all to be in a mess now.
what if being dead is created as the most wanted thing in the world.
would everything choose to be dead?
or issit true that only oragnisms are the only things with thoughts?
Or is a mere thought? influence by the whole world?.
btw everything is equally made up of molecules.
or does it mean molecules think ?
strange no one ever asked about asking.
nature? then what is nature? endless questions comes and there isn't an answer.
things are just the way they are.
Strange isn't it ? then why the creation of the world?
or is there creation? image ? illusion?
for the better or for the worst ?
What is everything?

decided not to put.

Hmmm....
since like no one read then probably I would evaluate the ppl in my class one by one next time ...
heheh... now to late liao >_<
Hey Fund remember next time bo liao post hor ~!

aiyah post what ?
I also dunno what to post ler ~~
sianz lar ..
PW ... HaiZ....
Weiman .... HaiZ....
Friends.... haiZ....
Gunbound.... haiZ.....(but silver axe liao can start guild )(I siao gina pia until 5.30 a.m.)
I think my sigh can blow ppl away liao ~~ LOL~~..
>_<; I am lame~
agrh... haiZ...
pain lar still pain lar~.
enuff of lit.
heart pain = heart pain ..
miss her = miss her..
use how much words and things to say also no use... >_<
argh... sianZ...
wish time can go back.. but hey u stupid u business...
who tell u don't cherish her enuff... bai chi...
argh.. pain ... sianZ... slap slap .... bish bish... >_<
ha ha~.... one step one step man man lai lar~... haha
this is one of the lamest entry I ever made..
thank you ~... >_<;
see no evil X )
speak no evil : X
hear no evil >^_^<
haha ~~

Orisinal.com Rox. Very cute ~ haha~

ar cannot see chinese

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half made.. incompleted..
never completed..

The day I lost it the song was lost with it.
Even though it may be simple, even though it may be plain.
But thats what I feel deep in the bottom of my heart.
where is purest love lies and what I really felt, treasured.

Pain was what I felt.
I was wrong but never was I given a chance.
Unforgiven.
chained by my sins, I shall never gain peace,
I shall never escape from the agonizing torture.
why.. why..
That are no answers to some particular questions to this world.
I crumble. I fall.
I stone. I rot.
With my tears dried.
I could no longer cry.
I hope I could cry. cry from the deep bottom of my heart.
I wish I could shout. shout my lungs out.
but I cannot, I am imprisoned within myself.
with a sword in my heart. I am impaled.
who and who can can remove it?

A purest white-winged angel approaches.
She dwelled in the corrupted world.
soon the Wings began to darkened.
The heart became tainted, polluted.
leaving with blood tears filling the face.
consealing the earth with her grace.
never to be forgotten.
only to be forgiven.

Wish everyone gl and hf.

Argh.. nothing is left but gunbound.. I am lame..
what is left in me..
A empty shell? argh..
Get away from me..
leave me alone..
dun hurt me.. dun be close to me and leave me..
stop hurting me...
if u wanna hurt me and cannot promise to last till the end pls leave me alone..
dun give me hope and leave me..
argh...

My thoughts are constrained by the limitation of words, and the great amount of thoughts to be expressed..Why... I feel pain? why... I dunno.. Days come harder and faster.. when I return, I am caged. Argh.. why.. Am I experiencing the essence of life. I dunno.. the pain isn't stopped... the pain grows.. argh.. Damn it I never felt like this be4.. argh.. It sucks big.. Lost once again.. I will go where fate takes me..

Hey its only you and me again blog~.
Whoa, PW PW PW... Pw sucks.. Argh.. having a feeling of a needle stuck in my heart can it is unable to be pulled out.
HaiZ, SianZ ar.. haha... alone again. SianZZzz. haiZ, Anyway ZX congrats on ur new girl man ~( if u ever read this).
Hey man.. Life leads. where would it bring me next ? hmmm?? would there be surprises waiting for me ? haha i hope so ~~>.. happy surprises. haha~ hopefully.. Argh.. kokoro wa itai. Watashi wa no shiawase wa doko?

Why, why do I still feel empty?. My life seems filled, but my soul seems aimless. why? haiZ.. heck lar, enjoy life~~..
haha, life is life, no matter how questionable, how treacherous.. we still have to continue. walk and leave my foot prints behind and eventually die.
Thw world is just like newton's law, something opposite of what exist would be created.When Good exist then there will be evil. U must have something Ugly to have something beauty. Comparison has to be made in this world. The Judgemental World, the world where eyes would look upon you and judge. The fear, the fear of not being accepted changed a person, called fashion. Humans need to be accompanied, Human needs acceptance. Either Self or public acceptance. When either one accepts, the human is roughly moulded. Each and every one having different flaws, reflecting upon they personal and unique characteristics. Acceptance would be casted upon society, forming Clicks, gangs, corperations and lastly governments. This is an undeniable fact of the living world.

However, the question again, what do life mean to a person ?
every single living or dead entity would have their own aims and targets.
there is probably no true meaning to life, but merely a test to search, to seek and find.
However, is there a Correct meaning of life, then what would it be based upon ?
God's liking ? Or do u judge your life by youself?
I dunno about others, but My meaning to my life, would be the feeling to be needed by others, whereby I would be able to help, care, solve, protect, educate or whatever.
What's Yours?

Wah Lau Eh~! My family is Gay! Well basically I done a lot of things yesterday, even though I most I have done was probably sleeping. So... why my family gay ? It is because they went to changei village, ate and drove in circles in that area just to see gays. Argh... This is so gay. But actually Changi is a very interesting place! Bcoz there was a "abandon School" (my guess) in the area, and it had three main building, we went at about 10 pm. It seemed quite scary, though the scary feeling wasn't in me, It seemed more like a Link to the past, probably to World War 2. But it seemed quite scary Bcoz when u step foot into the premises of the "school", U would have a feeling that the building towers over you, even it was just a mere two storey building and Furthermore the door was a metal gate and the building had a solo bridge. But I liked the place though. It seemed peace and quiet, except for the sounds produced by the bugs.
Probably going there again if I got the time, to the beach too, near perfection for couples~ ( changi point). the breeze and scenery is nice (at night lar, dunno about the morning).
everyone GL HF